7 February 2011

Mideast Experts

I decided to take a break from watching Egypt to remember all those Middle East “Experts” who just didn’t have a clue!

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

IDF to move Betar Illit checkpoint for better coverage In order to prevent infiltrations from the West Bank, senior army officials advise moving checkpoint to Green Line.

Anti-secular MK to be reinstated  Israel Eichler, who called Israel ‘evil regime’, seculars ‘two-legged animals’, to be sworn in to Knesset

MDA PARAMEDIC DELIVERS HIS OWN BABY ON THE WAY TO HOSPITAL

 

Ofer Shapira,  an MDA Paramedic in the Dan Region in Tel Aviv, has delivered many women during the course of his job. However, he never thought that he would have to help his wife, Adva, deliver their own baby.  Well, last Wednesday, while in the ambulance on the way to the delivery room, that is exactly what he had to do.  Today, when the two of them are home cuddling their healthy daughter Ma’ayan, he can breathe easily.   “We wrapped her in a blanket and entered the hospital” “Around 8:00pm,  Adva began to feel contractions and we started getting ready to go to the hospital”, said Shapira. “Because we have an older child at home, we waited for our parents to arrive to look after him”.   But before the grandparents could arrive at the couple’s Tel Aviv apartment, the contractions had become more frequent and closer together and Adva’s waters had broken.  But, still, this did not lead Shapira to think that the birth was imminent and that he would have to deliver his wife.  “I was sure that we had a lot of time still until the birth and I was calm.  I called for an ambulance so that it would be convenient and safer to get to the delivery room after the waters had broken. When it arrived, we headed for the delivery room”.     Ofer and Adva Shapira, with their baby Ma’ayan.   “She trusted me” (Photo Ofer Amram)   In the ambulance, Shapira, a veteran Paramedic, called ahead to tell hospital personnel that they were coming.  “The moment that I ended the call, Adva felt that the birth was proceeding and asked me to check.  I remember that, before I examined her, I thought that I was doing so just to calm her down. There was no chance that the baby was already coming out.  However, when I looked, I could already see the head crowning and beginning to come out. All that was left for me to do was to take out a delivery kit and deliver the baby, while the MDA staffer next to me in the ambulance handed me the equipment that I needed”.   The birth was so quick that, when the ambulance entered the parking area of the Emergency Room, Shapira had already managed to cut the umbilical cord.  “I cut the cord, carried out a primary inspection of the baby girl and saw that all was OK. We wrapped her in a blanket and entered the hospital.”   “Were you not under pressure and tense throughout the birth since you were dealing with your wife?” “I couldn’t allow myself to be tense or under pressure. I had to concentrate on the delivery, even though I have delivered many women in the past   I never knew them personally and I had no personal feelings for them.  I just had a short moment of tension, when I remembered, a second before the birth began, the first birth, where there were complications.  However, once I began the delivery, I had no choice other than to be calm and concentrate “.   “And Adva was not afraid of the fact that the birth was taking place in an ambulance and not in a delivery room?” “She trusted me and knew that I had done this in the past, so she was not afraid.  She just did whatever I told her to do and knew that the baby was in safe hands”.   “When did you allow yourself to relax?” “Only after I had cut the umbilical cord.  I did that and then I had time to kiss my wife and to take in all that had happened. Looking at my new daughter, I then became emotional.” The happy parents, together with their small daughter who was given the name Ma’ayan, have now been released from hospital.  “We are only now beginning to realize exactly what happened and how lucky we were”, said Shapira. “A birth is something that can have complications. Therefore it’s preferable for it to occur in a delivery room with all that is needed on hand.  Our luck was that it ended as it did and that there were no complications”.  And then we have this   How to Respond to Ivory Tower Demands to Talk with Hamas With professors demanding that Israel negotiate with “moderate” Hamas, Janet Doerflinger of Campus Watch explains why they’re wrong   When I moved to East Brunswick, NJ, I was very excited about the fact that it was a “tree city”and there were/are very strong laws protecting the trees. As an Israeli-American I am equally excited that Israel was the only country in the world to finish the 20th century with more trees than in began with. Therefore, I am equally excited the my adopted city is becoming a “tree city” like East Brunswick, please read the following:     Some of the Super Bowl commercials   Bud commercial http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=R55e-uHQna0 Satire: Obama Advisor Doesn’t Fear Muslim Takeover – of U.S. The latest Latma satirical video gets serious as it attacks the Obama Administration for its “clueless” abandonment of allies. Road Rules Imagining “Keeping Up with the Mubaraks,” a reality show of life in exile, as the Egyptian president’s 30-year rule comes to an end BY STEVE BRODNER   UNIVERSAL LAWS > > 1. Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. >3. Law of Probability –The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act >4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. >5. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.. >6. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). >7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. >8. Law of Close Encounters –The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with. >9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will. >. 12. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. >14. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. >18. Wilson‘s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. >19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick. >——————————————————- A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.’ ‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband. ‘But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’ >———————————- > An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.’ The old man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’ >———————————– > > While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice. ‘What do you think?’ I asked.. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’ ‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied ‘You’d never get it all in one.’ He’s still in intensive care. >———————————– And, my favorite is: The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, ‘Well……she’s there.’