9 July 2012–I’m back!

It has been quite some time since my last post, about 3 months or so. I got caught up with Purim and Pesach and my inbox started growing and I became overwhelmedSick smile.

First, I want to thank all of you who wrote checking that everything is ok, yes, B”H hakol b’seder.

Second, for those of you who might be interested, Ricki and I will be coming to the US late November until right after secular New Year (can’t and won’t stay until Rosh HashanahSmile with tongue out)

 

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Today’s trip to the grocery store
There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning.
When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said,
“Strip down, facing me.”
Making a mental note to complain to my congressman
about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided,
I found out that she was referring to my credit card.
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!

 

 

The Haircut

One day a
florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill,
and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you,

I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased
and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next
morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting
for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he
tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money
from you , I’m doing community service this week.’
The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up,
there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for
him at his door.
Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went
to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from
you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Congressman was very
happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went
to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free
haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental
difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who
run it.
BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE
CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME
REASON!

If you don’t forward this you
have no sense of humor.

Nothing bad will happen, however, you must
live with yourself knowing that
laughter is not in your
future.

Now send it to everyone you know.

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory,
imagebut I got canned. Couldn’t concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn’t suited for it mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, tried being a Chef – figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn’t have the thyme.

6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it…. couldn’t cut the mustard.



7.
My best job was a Musician,
image
but eventually found I wasn’t noteworthy.

8.
I studied a long time to become a Doctor,
but didn’t have any patience.
image

9.
Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory.
image
Tried hard but just didn’t fit in.


10.
I became a Professional Fisherman,image

but discovered I couldn’t live on my net income.

11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company,

imagebut the work was just too draining.


12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center,image

but they said I wasn’t fit for the job..

13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian – until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks,image

but had to quit because it was the same old grind.

15
. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT
image
AND I FOUND I’M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
 

A Hamas leader, pleading on Egyptian TV for fuel inadvertently tells the truth about where the “Palestinian” people came from (and it was not from ancient Canaan, surprise surprise). There are Hebrew and English subtitles, please watch it and pass it on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=CbuM91PeSOs

image

image

Of course, this is an applicable story,
it can be told regarding any leader,
including the Israeli PM…

That’s the truth if it has ever been told!
YOU’VE GOT TO LOVE THIS RANCHER’S

OUTLOOK & COMMON SENSE APPROACH TO LIFE.
image

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, who’s hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man…Eventually, the topic got around to Obama and his role as our president.

The old rancher said, “Well, ya know, Obama is a POST TURTLE ”…

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a ‘post turtle’ was.


The old rancher said, ‘When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a ‘post turtle’.

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued to explain.

“You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, he’s elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dummy put him up there to begin with.”

   

So good to finally have the answer …… read on.
copy

…. and that, my friends, is why the chicken crossed the road.

Ad in Dr’s office…


I’m sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctors’ offices on everything from tissues to note pads. This one should get First prize…

image
I e-mailed it to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back:
“If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician.

(make me raugh out roud!)


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