27 December 2011

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Boom! (1985)

February 4, 1985

(1985) Dry Bones cartoon: unrest, demonstrations, Haredim, Secular, sexism, anti-female
Today’s Golden Oldie is from 1985.

The “BOOM!” in Israel these days is the snowballing story of a cultural war against Israeli society by elements of the population that want public buses and sidewalks to be segregated between men and women.

It is portrayed by the media as a battle for Israel’s future.
They may be right.

The “latest” as I write this:

Haredim riot in Beit Shemesh after segregation signs removed
Dozens of haredim riot, hurl stones as officers, municipal inspectors remove signs calling for women’s exclusion; some signs already put back up; municipality to install hundreds of security cameras.

“Police forces accompanied by Beit Shemesh municipal inspectors removed public signs calling for segregation between men and women in the city on Sunday. This prompted dozens of haredim to crowd around the officers. They hurled stones and cursed the officers. Some haredim called police “Nazis.” There were no reports of injury.”-more

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

 

The Jewish Taxi Driver
A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City.
The taxi driver, who happened to be an old Jewish man
opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.
He made no attempt to start the cab.

She said to him, “What’s wrong with you honey?

Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old man said “Lady, I’m not staring at you, I am telling you,

det vould not be proper vair I come from”.

She said, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs sweetie, what are you doing then?”

He said, “Vell, I am looking and I’m looking, and I am tinking to myself,

vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?”

A man owned a small farm in Scotland. The Inland Revenue claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.

‘I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,’ demanded the rep.

‘Well,’ replied the farmer, ‘there’s my farm hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him £200 a week plus free room and board.’

‘The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her £150 per week plus free room and board.’

‘Then there’s the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about £10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.’

‘That’s the guy I want to talk to…the half-wit,’ says the agent.

‘That would be me,’ replied the farmer.

Jews have survived for millennia, with a little help from their brains, not to mention their humor:

The President of Iran was wondering who to invade when his telephone rang.

‘This is Mendel in Tel Aviv. We’re officially declaring war on you!’

‘How big is your army?’ the president asked.

‘There’s me, my cousin Moishe, and our pinochle team!’

‘I have a million in my army,’ said the president.

‘I’ll call back!’ said Mendel.

The next day he called. ‘The war’s still on! We have now a bulldozer, Goldblatt’s tractor plus the canasta team!’

‘I have 16,000 tanks, and my army is now two million.’

‘Oy gevalt!'(oh my God), said Mendel. ‘I’ll call back.’

He phoned the next day. ‘We’re calling off the war’

‘Why?’

‘Well”, said Mendel, ‘we’ve all had a little chat, and there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners!’

An Obituary printed in the London Times – Interesting and sadly rather true.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
– Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
– Why the early bird gets the worm;
– Life isn’t always fair;
– and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I’m A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

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