27 November 2011

“Occupy”is next

Three men –

A Canadian farmer An Arab terrorist And an American Biker

Are all walking together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
‘I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total’, says the Genie..
The Canadian says, ‘I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada
POOF! With the blink of the Genie’s eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
The Arab terrorist was amazed, so he said, ‘I want a wall around Afghanistan , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians
Can come into our precious land.’
POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie’s eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Biker says, ‘I am very curious.
Please tell me more about this wall.’
The Genie explains, ‘Well, it’s about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out;
it’s virtually impenetrable. ‘
The Biker sits down on his Harley,
Cracks a beer,
Lights a cigar,
Smiles and says,
‘Fill it with water.’

I pretty much vote this my favorite email joke of the year….

a trip to 2011

Time Travel, 2011, Riots, Arab Spring, OWS, Occupy Wall Street, Egypt,   : Dry Bones cartoon.
When I was a kid the future was a wonderful place. Flash Gordon, Buck Rogers, streamlined personal rocket ships, gleaming cities.

So now I’m living in the actual future!!

I love to do Time Traveler cartoons. I think of myself as the guy who got sent into the future and has come back to 1958 with his report. (and it’s always a shock to the scientists who are running the operation back in the fifties).

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

No one is entirely useless. Even the worst of us can serve as horrible examples.

Editor, Salt Lake City State Prison Newspaper

Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
——————————————————–
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .

MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie…… Always say, ‘I am.

MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand…..
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________

PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!

LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL’S MEDICINE!!

 

 

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