22 August 2011

 
 
 
Drafting Guys Over 55
This is funny & obviously written by a former soldier….

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.’ We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile..

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.


If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.


They could lighten up on the obstacle course however… I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too… I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50…in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They’ll have it secured the first night!
Send this to all of your senior friends…it’s in big type so they can read it…
 

Digging to a depth of 1,000 meters last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1,000 years.

The French came to the conclusion that their ancestors had a telephone network centuries ago.

Not to be outdone by the French, English scientists dug to a depth of 2,000 meters. Shortly thereafter headlines in the UK newspapers read:

“English archaeologists have found traces of a 2,000-year-old fiber-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors had an advanced high-tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier than the French.

One week later, Israeli newspapers reported the following:

“After digging as deep as 5,000 meters in a Jerusalem marketplace, they found absolutely nothing.

They thus concluded that 5,000 years ago Jews were using wireless.


Sinai

Egypt, Israel, Gaza, Sinai, Terrorism, Iran  : Dry Bones cartoon.
It began on Thursday with a number of coordinated murderous attacks on Israelis by teams of terrorists who had come from Gaza and had crossed into Israel from the Sinai peninsula. Israel responded, and Gazans launched a rain of missiles on Southern Israeli towns and cities. Egyptians then denounced Israel, attacked the Israeli embassy in Cairo, and called for an end to the peace treaty.

The entire exercise, I believe, is part of the Iranian attempt to encircle Israel and take over the Middle East. Iran’s Hezbollah forces are in Lebanon on our Northern border while Hamas, Iran’s puppets in Gaza, are on our Southern border. Egypt seems destined to fall into the hands of Islamist forces.

Sinai seems to have gone from being demilitarized to being “remilitarized”, and events are moving at break-neck speed.

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

Electric rates have just gone up 12% so this would put us ahead by 18%Smile

Close to Home

In the Bleachers

Non Sequitur

Ziggy

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