14 August 2011

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Daddy , how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks ‘Daddy, how was I born?’

The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you
will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

Scroll down…You’ll love this ….



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Subject: A Great Groaner

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic’s lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside.

The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn’t find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.

That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight.

Realizing what had happened he looked toward the heavens and proclaimed, “A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!”

A number of months ago, 10 December 2010 post to be exact, I posted my rules for driving in Israel. Here is an update:

If you are driving a motorcycle and want to go the wrong way on a one way street, ride on the sidewalk.

I also received the following from my friend Ronnie S.:

Driving in Israel

For anyone who learnt to drive elsewhere before they came then they are in for a shock.

Remember mirror, signal manoeuvre? Israelis don’t have to worry about things like that. After all they have as much right as any other driver to a particular part of the road. In fact more so, after all didn’t their parents tell them that they were special?

And they will enforce that right by pulling out or changing lanes without any signal or warning; and if you complain they get cross with you. If they park their cars they will leave the nose or the tail sticking out and wouldn’t understand when we moan about it.

But now, perhaps, there may be a sign that Israelis are beginning to understand that the standard of their driving is not what it should be. This week we saw a car in Jerusalem driving along with it hazard lights flashing.

What a fool we thought. He probably parked somewhere illegal and believed that putting on his hazard light would free him from all parking regulations. And now not being too concerned about anything or anyone was happily driving with them flashing.

But wait, there is another answer. Maybe he’s an enlightened and modest Israeli……. they do exist somewhere; he was just telling everyone that he’s a hazard on the road!

Economic Analysis

Economy, economic crisis, Depression, Recession, Euro, Europe,  : Dry Bones cartoon.
Watching the economic experts on TV, or reading their newspaper attempts to explain the wild ups and downs of stock markets from Asia to Wall Street and the collapsing economies in the Euro zone, doesn’t leave me any wiser, but it does remind me of an old Jewish joke.

The old joke is about a Jewish “curse” that goes “May you become so rich that every day you wake up in a different one of your many mansions, and are driven by one of your many uniformed chauffeurs in one of your many luxurious limousines to a different medical specialist. … and nobody should know what’s wrong with you!”

Every day we’re being diagnosed by a different “expert” and, as far as I can see, nobody knows what’s wrong …which reminds me of another old joke.

This old joke is about a guy who goes to a doctor and explains “my head is spinning, my throat is sore, I’m seeing spots in front of my eyes, and I’m covered in a strange yellow rash!” The doctor says “Hmm, have you had this before?” The patient replies, “Yes I have.” And the doctor says “Well, you’ve got it again.”

* * *

To sum up, my analysis of the current world-wide economic crisis can be expressed with the punchlines of two old jokes:
“Nobody knows what’s wrong with us” and “It seems to be happening again.”

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

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AIR FORCE ONE, STEALTH TECHNOLOGY

!cid_X_MA2_1313188950@aol

The Air Force –

solving problems since 1947.

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