25 July 2011

As usual, catching up. No problems, just no time.

As most of you know, my son, Joel, is studying to be an Israeli Tour Guide. As part of his studies, he has reviewed tours put on by many other Guides, and he forwarded this to me: outraged-protest-tours-israel-tourism.html. While this is meant to be humorous, we all know that the truest things are said in jestSmile. In any event, if you are planning a trip and would like to use a guide, please check out Joel’s blog: www.FunJoelsIsrael.com.

Love this Doctor!
dr
Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q
: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!
Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”
AND…..
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans…
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

 
Bad day at Hallmark

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day……..


////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire…

I noticed your cat..

Sorry!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don’t fret about it…

She moved in with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back over the years

that we’ve been together,

I can’t help but wonder…

‘What the hell was I thinking?’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I‘ve always wanted to have
someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you …

I’ve changed my mind.



————————————– ———————————————————-

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life..

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am….

That you’re not here to ruin it for me.

####################################################

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go…

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You’ll probably need it again.

********************************************************************************

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia )



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we were together,
you always said you’d die for me.

Now that we’ve broken up,

I think it’s time you kept your promise…

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

We have been friends for a very long time ..

let’s say we stop?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I‘m so miserable without you

it’s almost like you’re here. Jim Porcella’s song

=====================================================

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we’re having you put to sleep.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So your daughter’s a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it’s really good pay

” a little off color” but…..

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and
he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker
if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just started to read her book,
replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is
no G-D , or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after death?” as he smiled
smugly.
“OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me
ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff – grass . Yet a deer excretes little pellets , while a cow turns
out a flat patty , but a horse produces clumps . Why do you suppose that
is?”
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s
intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified
to discuss why there is no G-D , or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after
death, when you don’t know shit ?”
And then she went back to reading her book.
The End

Subject: THIS SENIOR CITIZEN NAILED IT…..WHAT DO YOU THINK???

Alan Simpson, Senator from Wyoming , Co-Chair of Obama’s deficit commission, calls senior citizens the Greediest Generation as he compared “Social Security” to a Milk Cow with 310 million teats. August, 2010.

Here’s a response in a letter from an unknown fellow in Montana …I think he is a little ticked off! He also tells it like it is !
————————————————————————-
“Hey Alan, let’s get a few things straight.”
1. As a career politician, you have been on the public dole for FIFTY YEARS.
2. I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 years old. I am now 63).
3 My Social Security payments, and those of millions of other Americans, were safely tucked away in an interest bearing account for decades until you political pukes decided to raid the account and give OUR money to a bunch of zero ambition losers in return for votes, thus bankrupting the system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme that would have made Bernie Madoff proud.
4. Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and your ilk pulled the proverbial football away from millions of American seniors nearing retirement and moved the goalposts for full retirement from age 65 to age 67. NOW, you and your shill commission is proposing to move the goalposts YET AGAIN.
5. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying into Medicare from Day One, and now you morons propose to change the rules of the game. Why? Because you idiots mismanaged other parts of the economy to such an extent that you need to steal money from Medicare to pay the bills.
6. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying income taxes our entire lives, and now you propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why? Because you incompetent bastards spent our money so profligately that you just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come to the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay off YOUR debt.
To add insult to injury, you label us “greedy” for calling “bullshit” on your incompetence. Well, Captain Bullshit, I have a few questions for YOU.
1. How much money have you earned from the American taxpayers during your pathetic 50-year political career?
2. At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and how much are you receiving in annual retirement benefits from the American taxpayers?
3. How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?
4. What cuts in YOUR retirement and healthcare benefits are you proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or, as usual, have you exempted yourself and your political cronies?
It is you, Captain Bullshit, and your political co-conspirators called Congress who are the “greedy” ones. It is you and your fellow nutcases who have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream
from millions of loyal, patriotic taxpayers. And for what? Votes. That’s right, sir. You and yours have bankrupted America for the sole purpose of advancing your pathetic political careers. You know it, we know it, and you know that we know it.
And you can take that to the bank, you miserable son of a _____.
If you like the way things are in America , delete this. If you agree with what a fellow Montana citizen says, PASS IT ON!!!!
This would change everything and should be retroactive!

No one has been able to explain why young men and women serve in the U.S. Military for 20 years, risking their lives protecting freedom, and only get 50% of their pay. While politicians hold their political positions in the safe confines of the capital, protected by these same men and women, and receive full pay retirement after serving one term. It just does not make any sense.

On Fox news they learned that the staffers of Congress family members are exempt from having to pay back student loans. This will get national attention if other news networks will broadcast it. When you add this to the below, just where will all of it stop?
35 States file lawsuit against the Federal Government
Governors of 35 states have filed suit against the Federal Government for imposing unlawful burdens upon them. It only takes 38 (of the 50) States to convene a Constitutional Convention.
This will take less than thirty seconds to read. If you agree, please pass it on.
This is an idea that we should address.

For too long we have been too complacent about the workings of Congress. Many citizens had no idea that members of Congress could retire with the same pay after only one term, that they specifically exempted themselves from many of the laws they have passed (such as being exempt from any fear of prosecution for sexual harassment) while ordinary citizens must live under those laws. The latest is to exempt themselves from the Healthcare Reform… in all of its forms. Somehow, that doesn’t seem logical. We do not have an elite that is above the law. I truly don’t care if they are Democrat, Republican, Independent or whatever. The self-serving must stop.They are out to ruin our nation.

If each person that receives this will forward it on to 20 people, in three days, most people in The United States of America will have the message.. This is one proposal that really should be passed around:

Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution: “Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States.”

You are one of my 20.

Subject: Fw: WHERE ARE HIS GIRL FRIENDS?
 
 

WHERE ARE any OF HIS FRIENDS!!!!!!
 

A SLEEPER AMONG US:

This is a very interesting article!

Obama: Where are his girl friends?

Where are his girl friends? Strange that none have popped up!!!!
Strange to the point of being down right WEIRD!

OK… this is past the ‘birthers’ questions…. this is just plain old
common sense, no political agendas for either side.

Just common knowledge for citizens of a country, especially American
citizens, who even know that Andrew Jackson’s wife smoked a corn cob pipe
and was accused of adultery, or that Lincoln never went to school or
Kennedy wore a back brace or Truman played the piano.

We are Americans! We are known for our humanitarian interests and caring
for our ‘fellow man.’ We care, but none of us know one single humanizing
fact about the history of our own president.

Honestly, and this is a personal thing….but it’s niggled at me for ages
that no one who ever dated him ever showed up. The simple fact of his
charisma, which caused the women to be drawn to him so obviously during
his campaign, looks like some lady would not have missed the opportunity….

We all know about JFK’s magnetism, McCain was no monk, Palin’s courtship
and even her athletic prowess were probed. Biden’s aneurisms are no
secret. Look at Cheney and Clinton–we all know about their heart
problems. How could I have left out Wild Bill before or during the White House?

Nope… not one lady has stepped up and said, “He was soooo shy,” or
“What a great dancer!” Now look at the rest of this…. no classmates,
not even the recorder for the Columbia class notes ever heard of him.

I just don’t know about this fellow.

Who was the best man at his wedding? Start there. Then check groomsmen.
Then get the footage of the graduation ceremony.
Has anyone talked to the professors? It is odd that no one is bragging
that they knew him or taught him or lived with him.

When did he meet Michele and how? Are there photos? Every president
gives to the public all their photos, etc. for their library. What has
he released?

And who in hell voted for him to be the most popular man in 2010?
Does this make you wonder?

Ever wonder why no one ever came forward from Obama’s past, saying they
knew him, attended school with him, was his friend, etc. ? Not one person
has ever come forward from his past.

VERY, VERY STRANGE… This should really be a cause for great concern. To
those who voted for him, you may have elected an unqualified, inexperienced
shadow man.

Did you see a picture called The Manchurian Candidate?

Let’s face it. As insignificant as we all are… someone whom we went to
school with remembers our name or face …. someone remembers we were the
clown or the dork or the brain or the quiet one or the bully or something
about us.

George Stephanopoulos of ABC News said the same thing during the 2008
campaign. He questions why no one has acknowledged the president was in
their classroom or ate in the same cafeteria or made impromptu speeches
on campus. Stephanopoulos also was a classmate of Obama at Columbia–the
class of 1984. He says he never had a single class with him.

While he is such a great orator, why doesn’t anyone in Obama’s college
class remember him? And, why won’t he allow Columbia to release his
records?

NOBODY REMEMBERS OBAMA AT COLUMBIA

Looking for evidence of Obama’s past, Fox News contacted 400 Columbia
University students from the period when Obama claims to have been there,
but none remembered him. For example, Wayne Allyn Root was, like Obama,
a political science major at Columbia, who also graduated in 1983. In
2008, Root says of Obama, “I don’t know a single person at Columbia that
knew him, and they all know me. I don’t have a classmate who ever knew
Barack Obama at Columbia … EVER!

Nobody recalls him. Root adds that he was also, like Obama, “Class of ’83
political science, pre-law” and says, “You don’t get more exact or closer
than that. Never met him in my life, don’t know anyone who ever met him.”
At the class reunion, our 20th reunion five years ago, who was asked to

be the speaker of the class? Me. No one ever heard of Barack! And five
years ago, nobody even knew who he was. The guy who writes the class
notes, who’s kind of the, as we say in New York, ‘the macha’ who knows
everybody, has yet to find a person, a human who ever met him.”

Obama’s photograph does not appear in the school’s yearbook, and Obama
consistently declines requests to talk about his years at Columbia ,
provide school records, or provide the name of any former classmates or
friends while at Columbia …

NOTE: Root graduated as valedictorian from his high school,
Thornton-Donovan School , then graduated from Columbia University in 1983
as a political science major in the same class in which Barack Hussein
Obama states he was.

Some other interesting questions…
Why was Obama’s law license inactivated in 2002?
Why was Michelle’s law license inactivated by court order?
It is circulating that according to the U.S. Census, there is only one
Barack Obama but 27 Social Security numbers and over 80 aliases.

WHAT!?

The Social Security number he uses now originated in Connecticut where he
is never reported to have lived.
No wonder all his records are sealed!

Please continue sending this out to everyone. Somewhere, someone had to
know him in school…before he “reorganized” Chicago and burst upon the
scene at the 2004 Democratic Convention and made us swoon with his
charm,
poise, and speaking pizzazz.

Jewish Haiku

A journey of a thousand miles
begins
with a single Oy.

Beyond Valium,
peace is knowing one’s child
is an internist.

The Torah says,
Love your neighbor as yourself.
Buddha says there is no self.
Maybe we’re off the hook.

The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Enough about you,
now back to my problems

 
Is one Nobel Prize
too much to ask from a child,
after all I’ve done for you?
Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkis.

The Tao does not speak
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others
The Tao does not know diddly about Jews

There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life,
you never called,
you never wrote,
you never visited.
And whose fault was that?
Sorry I’m not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news.
Drink tea and nourish life;
with the first sip, joy;
with the second sip, satisfaction;
with the third sip, peace;
with the fourth, I gotta go pee.
On Passover we
opened the door for Elijah.
Now our dog is gone.

Today I am a man
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.

Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly
But her son is forty.

The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.

Like a bonsai tree
is your terrible posture,
at my dinner table.

Jews on safari —
map, compass, elephant gun,
hard sucking candies.

The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann’s.

 
Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
of her friend’s disease.

Mom, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your pocketbook.

Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you’ll plotz
Five-day forecast: feh

Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!

Quietly murmured
at Saturday Synagogue services,
Detroit 3, Red Sox 5.

A lovely nose ring,
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.

Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness.

Jewish Buddhism:
If there is no self,
whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health, or a life
without problems.
What would you talk about?

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment
will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as a wooded glen
And sit up straight.
You’ll never meet the Buddha with such
rounded shoulders.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist

Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical
sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?

 
 

Read this 1st then watch the video below.

It is interesting to note the following in the family tree of Kate

Middleton, wife of Prince William:

Kate’s mother is Carol Middleton, daughter of Ronald Goldsmith and Dorothy Harrison (both Jews)

The parents of Dorothy Harrison are Robert Harrison and Elizabeth

Temple (both Jews), the latter a descendant of the Myers family,

English Jews in the 19th century.

Bottom line: Princess Kate is a Jew on her matriarchal side, and as

a consequence, the future king of England will be a Jew according to Jewish Law and tradition.

Fancy that!

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next
to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
!cid_X_MA1_1311010530@aol

“Well,
whatcha’ gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

“Come on,
man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can`t stand to see
a man crying.”

“This is the worst day of my life,” I say.
“I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I
found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my
wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then
my dog bit me.”

“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an
end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the
poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing!
……… But enough about me, how’s your day going?”

THESE REALLY WORK!! I checked this out on Snopes and it’s for real!

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN’T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.


7. IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
THOUGHT for the day:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES – NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN THEY’RE PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

“Will there be a Third World War?


The commanding officer at a Russian military academy (the equivalent
of a 4-star general in the U.S. ) gave a lecture on Potential Problems and Military Strategy.

At the end of the lecture, he asked if there were any questions.


An officer stood up and asked,

“Will there be a third world war? And will Russia take part in it?”

The general answered both questions in the affirmative.


Another officer asked, “Who will be the enemy?”
The general replied, “All indications point to China .”


Everyone in the audience was shocked.

A third officer remarked,
“General, we a nation of only 150 million, compared to the 1.5 billion Chinese.

Can we win at all, or even survive?”


The general answered, “Just think about this for a moment:

In modern warfare, it is not the quantity of soldiers that matters but the quality of an army’s capabilities.

For example, in the Middle East we have had a few wars recently,

Where 5 million Jews fought against 150 million Arabs, and Israel was always victorious.”

After a small pause, yet another officer – from the back of the auditorium asked,

“Do we have enough Jews???”

!cid_1_4234271454@web38206_mail_mud_yahoo

!cid_image001_gif@01CC4016

Found in Translation

Scholar Adin Steinsaltz discusses his recently completed edition of the Talmud, why the Internet is better than TV, and the prospect of the Lubavitcher Rebbe and Elvis playing cards together

BY SAMANTHA M. SHAPIRO

The task of interviewing rabbinic giant Adin Steinsaltz, 74, is a bit daunting. Described by Newsweek as a “genius of the highest order,” Steinsaltz has authored more than 60 books and 600 essays, translated and provided commentary on the entire Talmud, and won the Israel Prize. He has been appointed the Nasi (or chief) of an attempt to revive the Sanhedrin, the ancient Supreme Court of Temple-based Judaism. More

U.S. Policy

America, North Africa, Syria, Iran, Hezbollah,  : Dry Bones cartoon.
America’s current policy in the Middle East and North Africa is a confusing mess. Of course in a few years, the historians will explain it all to us. It’ll turn out to have been inevitable.

In today’s cartoon I wanted to show two non-Americans discussing the situation. Did I succeed? Nu? So do they look “non-American”?

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

The Cloud

Cloud, Technology, hi tech, Computers, Telecommunications, : Dry Bones cartoon.
I just got a new computer. The super powerful, cutting edge workhorse I bought just a few years ago is now a slow outdated model with something wonky in its motherboard. So now I have a brand new computer. It’s a super powerful, cutting edge workhorse.

But the new machine runs Windows7 and the latest version of Word …so I’m dealing with a learning curve.

The last machine had oodles of gigabytes but the new one has a terabyte of memory. “So”, says I to the computer guy “I’ll have tons of space to save my data.”

To which the computer guy asks “Have you considered keeping your data in the cloud?”

Keeping my data in the “cloud” sounds cool. What it really means is keeping my data on somebody else’s computer instead of on my own. Which sounds less cool.

While I’m at it, permit me to rant about tablets. Tablets are the latest “cool” device, but I’m haunted by the idea that had tablets been invented first, then everybody would now be rushing to buy the latest cool advance …the laptop! It’s just like a tablet but it has a real keyboard attached!

I write and sketch all my cartoon “roughs” in little spiral-bound notebooks. Over the years I’ve gone through hundreds of notebooks. All now sitting on shelves and packed into boxes. I often think of scanning them, but the truth is that long after my hard drives have lost their magnetism (and my saved data) those notebooks will remain stable. They’ll keep their data for hundreds of years longer than any digital memory will.

Here’s a thought, suppose they’d invented the computer first… would we all now be rushing to buy the latest cool advance …the spiral notebook?!

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

Automation (1987)

Arafat


(1987)Automation, America,  1987, Shuldig, Technology,   a Dry Bones cartoon
Today’s Golden Odie cartoon was published on July 21, 1987.
A cartoon I drew exactly 24 years ago today!

I’d moved to Israel sixteen years earlier in 1971 and was now back on a trip to the States. I was amazed at the advanced state of what we called “automation” back in 1987.

In 2011 America’s hope for the future is not automation. It’s “job creation.”

Changing times.
Sigh.

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

Murdoch and Wikileaks

hacking, Julian Assange, Murdoch, News Corp, Wikileaks : Dry Bones cartoon.
It was not that long ago that progressive media pundits and newspapers were treating Wikileaks as some kind of asset to democracy, and Julian Assange as some kind of hero. I fumed over the damage done by the publishing of criminally obtained secret documents. So now the hacking for newsworthy items is back in the news. Only this time it’s Rupert Murdoch’s people who’ve done it. And all hell has broken loose?!!??

If Assange was a hero, why isn’t Murdoch? And if Murdoch is to be universally reviled, why not Assange?

And, while we’re asking questions, has anyone commented on the fact that both Murdoch and Assange are Australians? Are there any conspiracy theorists out there who could come up with an explanation?

Hmmmm?

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

Summer Heat Wave (1977)

Arafat


(1977)Shuldig, Summer, Heat Wave, Seasons,   a Dry Bones cartoon
Today’s Golden Odie cartoon is from August 1977.
34 summers ago!

Dry Bones was in its fourth year of publication.

I had originally introduced Mr. Shuldig (now my alter ego) as a “problem-solver.” This was his solution to the crushing heat wave we were having back then. We’re having a summer heat wave now and I’m supposed to go out tonight.

I think I’ll try Shuldig’s trick, it sounds like it could work.

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

The Seasons

Arab Spring, Summer, Iran, NATO, Nukes, mideast experts, middle east policy, Middle East, Seasons, Islamism : Dry Bones cartoon.
The pleasant, heady days of Arab Spring are behind us. They were the good old days when the West had inhaled the sweet fresh breezes of change and they had fantasized about democracy and the blossoming of a new Middle East. It was a time of innocent hope and pretty flowers and cute, cuddly bunny rabbits. It was spring. But somehow, almost without their noticing it, the seasons have changed. Somehow we’ve slid into summer. A long hot Arabian summer where the unforgiving sun burns the sky above you and the heat of the ground rises in waves around you.

Solidarity in Egypt morphs into fiery Moslem attacks on Coptic Christians. NATO No Fly zones in Libya turn into targeted assassinations, bombing raids, and ensnarement in a civil war. In Syria the heat incinerates its victims with the entire world watching. Yes, we are in the depths of Arab Summer, and the West is trying to ignore what is now gathering strength on the horizon. It is a bitter, fierce, and inevitable season that approaches and one for which America and the West seem totally unprepared; it is Iranian Winter.

Before the Western pundits gave us the term Arab Spring the thing that they nattered on about was the Arab Street. It was a fascinating notion. It went like this. The Arab world was a collection of dictatorships and monarchies. Each state worked on the principle of one man – one vote, i.e. the man who was in charge was the man with the one vote. This meant that nobody, especially not Western politicians or journalists, knew what the people living in these totalitarian countries wanted, thought, or believed. There was no way to gauge public opinion because the public was afraid to give its opinion. So the supposed experts on the Middle East invented the next best thing. They called it the Arab Street. And for some time we’ve listened to them explain to us what the so-called Arab Street was thinking and what the Arab Street wanted until the explosion of Arab unrest caught them by surprise. So they coined the term Arab Spring to explain what had happened.

When I was a kid in Brooklyn there was a popular children’s story that I loved. It was called the Grasshopper and the Ant. It’s one of Aesop’s Fables but I had a Little Golden Book version. I seem to remember there having been a Disney animated movie of the tale. The plot of the little morality play involves a grasshopper who fiddles around all summer and an ant who prepares for the coming winter. The moral that is drawn is based on the assumption that the ant is industrious and that the grasshopper is lazy and just looking for fun. But maybe Aesop and the publishers of the Little Golden Books and Walt Disney had it all wrong. Maybe it wasn’t that the grasshopper was lazy and just looking for fun. Maybe he was just too dumb to know that it wouldn’t be summer for ever. Maybe he just didn’t know that winter was coming, like the folks running America’s foreign policy. The impact of a nuclear-armed and missile-equipped Islamist Iranian state on the course of history will be profound …and more so because America let it happen.
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Your thoughts?

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

Circumcision

circumcision, Abraham, San Francisco, Judaism, antisemitism, Nazi, Stalinist, Palestinians, : Dry Bones cartoon.
A bill to ban circumcision of all males under the age of 18 will be on the ballot in San Francisco this November. This is alarming because circumcision of all males is the single most basic ritual of Judaism. Banning circumcision is a direct attack on the practice of Judaism, even if it is presented as having other motives. In fact, history shows us that viral antisemitism always comes to town in disguise, usually portraying its motives as a need to protect innocent victims from demonic Jews.

In the past, violent lynch mob pogrom attacks on Jews and Judaism were launched to protect the peasants and townsfolk from Jews who had “poisoned the wells”. The Nazis were just trying to protect racial purity. More recently, Jew-hatred has been packaged as an attempt to protect the “Palestinian” natives from the evil colonialist Jewish State, and now, in 21st century California, the attack on Judaism is being promoted as protecting Jewish babies from their demonic Jewish parents.

A second characteristic of the behavioral virus we call antisemitism is its compulsive use of cartoons in spreading its libels. Antisemitic movements from Nazism to Fascism to Stalinism to contemporary Islamism all share a surprisingly intensive use of antisemitic cartoons in their campaigns. And so it is with the framers of the anti-circumcision bill.

The bill was written by a private non-profit organization based in San Diego, California with chapters in sixteen states. It is led by someone named Matthew Hess. Their goal is a nation-wide ban on the practice of circumcision and, sure enough, Matthew just could not resist the compulsion to draw those standard Nazi blood-libel caricatures of fiendish Rabbis sacrificing innocent babies. Hess, to push his campaign for the anti-circumcision bill, wrote and edited a propagandizing comic book called Foreskinman. The work is incredibly rich in Nazi ideology and filled with vile antisemitic imagery. The shockingly blatant antisemitism of the piece was so obvious that, in response, the woman who had been a proponent of putting the same bill onto the ballot in Santa Monica has now withdrawn the measure from consideration.

The comic book stars a blond, Aryan-looking superhero who interrupts a circumcision ceremony, beats up the fiendish, grinning Rabbi (named Monster Mohel), thrashes the Rabbi’s machine gun-toting Jewish accomplices, and takes the Jewish baby from his Jewish father. The child’s father shouts “Give me back my son” but our Nordic hero flies the terrified baby off to safety.

The baby, now rescued from the Jews, is taken on a two-day trip to a group of beach-dwelling pagans …and given to them. As the pagan woman who has been given the stolen Jewish baby announces at the end of this touching saga, she is now free to “raise him as one of our own.”

The history of the attempts to destroy Judaism is punctuated with anti-circumcision laws. In 167 BCE the Syrian Greek occupiers of the Land of Israel banned circumcision. A few hundred years after that, the Romans occupiers of the Land of Israel banned circumcision in their attempt to destroy Judaism. The Nazis banned circumcision, as did the Stalinists. Banning circumcision is simply a synonym for banning Judaism.

And while we’re at it, here’s a question for you. Why does the Christian calendar start on January 1st? Shouldn’t the Christian calendar start on December 25th? …the day of Jesus’ birth? What made January 1st so important? It’s simple. January 1st (when baby Jesus was 8 days old) was the day of his circumcision.

Your thoughts?

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

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