10 April 2011

Protect me from my friends (countrymen), I know my enemies. Police Show Pro-Arab Bias in Hevron, Jerusalem Day after day, stories of the Israel Police’s pro-Arab bias continue to stun the nation. This time: absurd scenes in Hevron, Jerusalem.

Russian billionaire to found ‘Jewish Al-Jazeera’ Alexander Mashevich says planned pro-Israel news channel will “represent Israel on an international level, with real information.”

Black student leaders slam ‘apartheid’ characterization Letter says “decency, justice and hope compel us to demand immediate cessation to deliberate misappropriation of words.”

An oldie but goodie:

When Golda Meir held the office of Israeli Prime Minister, she tried to encourage Henry Kissinger to make Israel a top priority.
He sent her a letter: “I would like to inform you that I’m first an American citizen; second, Secretary of State; and third, a Jew.”
She responded: “In Israel, we read from right to left.”

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a
talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she
said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil
spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Little Jenny was next: “I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I
explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current
events.”
“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher…
Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a
box full of cash on the teacher’s desk.
“$2, 467,” he said.
“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling”
“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.
“Toothbrushes,” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell
enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a
Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample.”
They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog crap!”

Then I would say, “It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the
President Obama method of giving you something shitty, but looks good,
for free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth.”
The teacher was speechless. . . . . . . .
Little Johnny got 5 stars for his efforts, bless his heart. . .

Presidential Bingo
Try it the next time you hear the President speak . . . It will keep you awake!
Please follow the rules before watching. I used to avoid listening to his speeches. Now, I look forward to the next one.
Here is something to help make Obama’s speeches almost tolerable.
Just print out this page, distribute it to friends, and listen. (be sure to read directions at the bottom)
!cid_88D9C3012DE34F108FE3F4E4CF994CB6@13F22845482948F
Rules for Bullshit Bingo:
1. Before Barrack Obama’s next televised speech, print your “Bullshit Bingo”
2. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
3. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout “BULLSHIT!”

DARK IN HERE

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet.
The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, ‘ Dark in here.’
The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a baseball..’
Man: ‘That’s nice’
Boy: ‘Want to buy it?’
Man: ‘No, thanks.’
Boy: ‘My Dad’s outside.’
Man: ‘OK, how much?’
Boy: ‘$250’
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy: ‘Dark in here.’
Man: ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a baseball glove.’
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, ‘How much?’
Boy: ‘$750’
Man: ‘Sold.’
A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, ‘Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.’
The boy says, ‘I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.’
The Dad asks, ‘How much did you sell them for?’
Boy: ‘$1,000’
The Dad says, ‘That’s terrible to over charge your friends like that…that is way more than those two things cost. I’m taking you to church, to confession.’
They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door..
The boy says, ‘Dark in here.’
The priest says, ‘Don’t start that crap again; you’re in my closet now.’

Merry Matzo Munching
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