31 December 2010

 


Double Standard

housing, land,Jews, Israel, : Dry Bones cartoon.
Condemnation:

Rav Elyashiv Joins Rav Shteinman in Condemning Letter Forbidding the Rental of Homes to Arabs
“Two municipal chief rabbis decided on Thursday to remove their signatures from a religious ruling forbidding Israeli Jews from renting homes to gentiles. …The attorney general’s office stated today that it would look into possible criminal aspects of a religious ruling to forbid renting homes to gentiles signed by a number of leading rabbis….Earlier on Thursday, the Yad Vashem Holocaust Memorial decried the rabbis’ letter, deeming it a “severe blow to the values of our lives as Jews and human beings in a democratic state.” -more

Reaffirmation

Pal. Authority: Death Penalty for Selling Land to Jews
Monday, September 20, 2010

“JERUSALEM, Israel – Israel’s peace partner reaffirmed on Sunday that Palestinians convicted of selling land to Jews would face the death penalty for “high treason.”

PA officials claim the death penalty deters Arabs from selling land to Jews living in Judea and Samaria, which they envision free of Jewish residents in a future Palestinian state.” -more

-Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973

 

1 January 2011

 

Happy secular new year or as it is sometimes called here, Sylvester.

 


The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”. 

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”.. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. 

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”.. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. 

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. 

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. 

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. 

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. 

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. 

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. 

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. 

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

2 January 2011

A special post from a very special fiend:

hi,
please pardon my overflowing naches that i would like to share with my special friends.  i don’t often brag ( much), but this was too much not to share.
 
i have commissioned a sofer to write a sefer torah in memory of two very special men who were part of my life, also my grandmother who was the epitamy of goodness.  my father, nor my grandmother i never knew, and yet many a time my uncle used to say how very much i was like them (i’m still a work in progress). 
 
when the torah will be written i shall gift it to my youngest son (who completely takes after his grandfather and his great grandmother) and his family. when his oldest son, my grandson will marry and settle in a shul, he will receive the torah to follow him to the end of his days.  then the torah will be passed on to his future generations.
 
i shared the torah gifting news with my grandson last night, and the email came after i finished speaking to him via skype.  after reading it, you may the appreciate why the torah will come to him.  we have a future as a people with young people as he.  now, how do we multiply him?
 
wishing you a great week,
 
ok, i just hung up with you less than 5 seconds ago and i’m sitting here speechless. im not kidding when i say you’re the first one to accomplish that feat.
in a serious tone – im awed. it is an honor that you have chosen my family and singled me out to receive a sefer torah.
     if i was being untruthful i would say i cant understand why you are choosing us for the biggest honor there can be. but i think – if i may presume – i can guess at what is going on here. please forgive me in advance if i am being too straight foward here. you came out of the war that engulfed the world last century. a demon from the pits of hell decided, like so many before, that he would attempt to wipe out our eternal nation. he wreaked upon the world destruction not seen since the destruction of the second beis hamikdash, perhaps even rivaling it. but the Holy One said it was not to be. yemach shemo is where he belongs and we are here, as strong as ever. how did we come back? how did we survive? and more perplexing, why did we survive? why us and not all the righteous martyrs of europe – the jewish land in exile for 1000 years? we know the answer is, we survived because we were chosen to rebuild am yisroel. HaShem chose us for the sacred task of glorifying His holy Name by building the world and spreading His holy light to the 4 corners of the earth. and we know, how do we build am yisroel? how do we perpetuate our eternal nation? is it by being like other nations? is it by imitating their ways and living like them? NO! a thousand times no! we know the ways of God and we know to live by them. (not that G-d forbid we denigrate the other nations. we are all Gods children. but we are the chosen people, chosen to be a light unto the nations). and how do we live by Gods ways? how are we humans expected to know the ways of God? it is with the Torah. the Torah is what binds us together. it is our lifeblood. our common denominater. we are united by one thing. we are not joined by yiddish, not by a culture, and not even by shwarma! we are joined by the Torah. those who sadly leave the ways of the Torah invariably disappear from our nation. their children dont know anything, their kids know even less, and it is rare to find a 3rd generation irreligious jew. we who stick to the Torah are the ones who will keep our nation alive (not to exclude our responsibility to reach out to the unaware, of course).
consequently, the Torah is the single most important object in Judaism. the 613th mitzvah in the Torah is to write a sefer torah (or at least participate in one – donate a letter or the like).
so as i was saying, i think i understand your feelings. my family – with no credit taken on my part – truly is a bayis neeman byisroel. with my father as the facebuker rebbe, reaching out to jews around the globe, running college kiruv programs, getting thousands of thousands of dollars from government for food programs for people to have food for the yomim tovim, with my mother running the food pantry  for staten island, running furniture shidduch gemach, getting thousands of dollars from shoprite for the kollel families to use, with abba as the chaplain in the staten island hospital, with 10 kids, all frum, with me and eli learning full time, with tzippy teaching, with sara bena and me both running programs and teaching public school kids in hebrew school, with gavriel chaim getting excited when he learns a new letter in the aleph beis, with all your wonderful generations you have made, i think i can understand the nachas. we try. we are glad you see that, yes, am yisroel has won. we are pleased beyond belief that we are providing nachas and we pray we be able to for many years, may you live to 120 with gezunt. on a more personal note, i am extremely gratified to be the recipient of such an honor and i am gratified to be the family representative. thank you a hundred times over, and, well, there is really nothing else to say.
                                                                                       all the love in the world,    shaya

 

                    Children Writing About the Ocean

1) – This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)                                                               
2) – Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)                      
3) – If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. ( age 7)               
4) – Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily      
Richardson . She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)                                                                               
5) – A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.  (Billy, age 8)
6) – My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots
and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)                                
7) – When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean.  Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to 
make the wind come.  My brother said they would have been better off     
eating beans. (William, age 7)                                            
8) – Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and
I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?    
Like, really? (Helen, age 6)                                             
9) – I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby  brother is always 
crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got   
pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6)                    
10) – Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can
give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)                                                        
11) – When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes
my willy small. ( Kevin , age 6)                                             
12)  – Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.   Divers can’t
go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.  (Becky, age 8)  
13) – On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was   
going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired     
right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)                                 
14) – The ocean is made up of water and fish.  Why the fish don’t drown 
I  don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)                                              
15) – My dad  was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.   
What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.    
(James,  age 7)

If you didn’t  smile at one of these, you need to find a better sense of humor.

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2 thoughts on “31 December 2010

  1. That has to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever read! Thanks for a great laugh. And the letter before the laugh was very touching. Some parents do get it right before it’s too late! Happy sylvester to you too. It should only be a healthy one.

    If you get the Jewish Press, there was an interesting article regarding the rabbis who made the judgment call on renting or selling to Arabs. It had to do with the right of freedom of speech. Whether we agree with what they’re saying isn’t the issue. It’s their right , living in a democracy, to be able to express an opinion, with which we may disagree, and not be condemned, or indicted for saying same. When the arch left express opinions no one says anything – but let the extreme right express something horrific, and the world falls apart. I don’t agree with what these Rabbis said – but I will certainly defend their right to say it. Does it make me uncomfortable? Absolutely! But do they have a right to their opinion? Absolutely. And I’m entitled to disagree.

    Take care and be well.

    Love,

    Carol

    • I am bcc’ing you as well as I do not know how many people read the comments. I do not get the Jewish Press here so I will only respond to you r comments. First as to the arch left — they never express opinions, what they say is the absolute truth and damn you if you do not agree with them (grrrr). As to Freedom of Speech and your Votairian comment thereto. While in the US you may hold these truths to be self evident, here in Israel there is a very fine line. In the US there is too as in the old adage “you cannot yell ‘fire’ in a crowded movie theater” they they have a concept of incitement here. As a prime example, if I were to put a bumper sticker on my car that reads “Kahane was right” I could be jailed. If it read “Arafat was right” hey, that’s ok. It is also against the law to call MKs names in a public forum, unless, of course, you are another MK of a representative of the arch left. I hope the Mosad is not reading this, uh oh, there’s a knock on my door now (just kidding). BTW, to anyone reading this comment and does not know me, I am a strong right winger and believes that Kahane was right.

      As to the letter you referred to, the grandmother who wrote it is an absolute doll and phenomenal person as is her wonderful husband. I hope you will get to meet them on your next visit.

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